Bearded Boys on Bicycles

I was so happy when the moustache trend faded away and the beard started to take off. I first noticed this hairy phenomenon about a year ago when I first moved back and I was rather taken with how manly some Australian men look compared to the skinny London boys I’d become used to. One of my rules is not to be intimate with anyone with a hip measurement smaller than mine. A lady likes to feel protected by a man. And smaller. Not like a giant heffalump beside a little slip of a thing. It just doesn’t seem right.

I’ve always said that I’d like to be with a man who can chop wood. And fix things. In a word: hot. So it’s been rather exciting for me that the bearded man is back. Boys have chosen to man-up, for appearances at least. Hopefully this extra bit of manliness will follow through and before they even know why they’re doing it, they’ll be riding their bicycles to the hardware shop and getting excited about power tools. 

I’ve always liked a hot bike. And a hot boy on a bike even more. Although, I gotta say the fixed gear bicycle ridden by a bearded boy is almost a bit too much now. They’re everywhere – which technically means I should be in seventh heaven – but when a trends permeates into a uniform (plaid shirt. jeans. ray bans.) it’s a little bit overwhelming for me. All boys seems to morph into one giant beard. And I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.

But, yes, beards. I love ‘em. On Friday night I had an epiphany as to why I’m obsessed with bearded boys. It takes me back to learning all about the birds and the bees. The deep-seated association I have with beards is linked with that feeling funny downstairs while looking at The Joy of Sex. I can’t remember who had this book, or even if I have completely manufactured this childhood memory, but I do believe I thought the bearded man certainly seemed to know what he was doing. And maybe he could even chop wood, too. As my friend announced at a party the other night, ‘Every man should have two bushes.’ I totally agree.