The Baberahams on Surfari - and my first wipeout!

This handsome fella caught my eye - a potential Baberaham, perhaps?

 I had spent the winter and spring of last year dreaming of a surfari over Christmas/New Years. It was going to be down the Great Ocean Road, it was going to be with the Baberahams and it was going to mean great things for me and my surfing ability. I would have to say that two out of three proved to be true. Woopah! Our basecamp was the Rough and Tumble in the bush at Lorne, away from the maddening crowd of Falls Festival goers and young families – a serious lack of MILFs and DILFs, I might add.

Sadly, Man Mountain couldn’t make the trip so it was left to the remaining Baberahams to do what is necessary on surfari – dawn patrol, burgers for breakfast, banana smoothies, daily naps, afternoon surf, more hot beef injections, beers, wines, watching surfing docos, talking about surfing, all with a dusting of lounge room dancing and trampolining.

A demo of a light dusting of trampolining

I’m not exactly sure staying in the one location for 6 days straight classifies as a surfari but we did travel up and down the coast trying to find a wave each day. And really, there was not much desire to move until a remote patch down near ‘Joey’s’ called Mad Dog like a siren song.

The boys head off to froth out while Doodlebum and I napped under an umbrella

 Doodlebum and I have been trying our surfing darnedest the past 3 months – we’ve been heading down the coast throwing caution to the wind after reading the surf reports and have given all sorts of sloppy washing machine conditions a red hot go, including ½ foot waves that you could make in your bath. We were stoked on being out the back with the boys, stoked that we could now paddle out and stoked on the possibilities ahead of how our surfing ability will slowly but surely improve. However...

This is what stoked looks like

I hit a bit of a snag day 3 of surfari. Dawn patrol led us to Fairhaven and what looked like messy lumpy conditions didn’t stop us all from heading in. Mad Dog and McConaughey were impressed that we managed to paddle out past the turbulence and get out the back. To quote Mad Dog, “Big tick, babes!” But to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t frothin’ out that morning but had a funny feeling. Not a sharky feeling, just a funny feeling. Never a good start.

Dawn patrol - pre-crunching

We were out pretty far trying to find some waves and after not going for anything for half an hour and starting to feel a little funny again what I would classify as a '50-year storm wave' and experienced surfers would call a wee 3.5 footer - hey let’s make it 4 foot for my ego – came upon me and I was what you would call wiped out. Rolled, crunched, axed, smashed. I was pushed to the bottom of the ocean, Poseidon’s front door, and I opened my eyes, saw nothing but brown sandy bits and realised I didn’t have much breath left. I remembered to not panic and let myself float back up. Gasp. Gulp. Yes. I’m back to the top, sans board. The force of the rough and tumble had ripped Dame Cinco from my leg. I was now but a frolicking seal waiting to be snacked on by the man in the grey suit.

Dame Cinco having a wee rest the day the waves were too big for this grom

The first thing I squealed was ‘I’ve lost my board’ and looked at Doodlebum and Mad Dog with the crazy eye. I then remembered that not only did Mad Dog wear red Baywatch boardies, he did have lifesaving experience. I admitted in a panicked voice that I was scared and he began talking to me in the only way you can when someone has the crazy eye – like talking to a 5 year old. ‘Okay, take my board. It’s just like yours, only a little bit smaller.’ I then clambered upon the board the size of a toothpick and feebly tried paddling back in. With a big push Mad Dog careened me onto a wave and I boogie boarded that thing in to shore to see McConaughey with Dame Cinco.

The Baberahams are good in a crisis. They got your back!

The Baberahams - Doodlebum, Mad Dog, me (the nickname Thruster by Mad Dog hasn't quite caught on), McConaughey

After having water flood out of every orifice in my face – no tears though – I felt completely shaken up. The boys headed back in and I sat on the sand with Doodlebum trying to explain the sheer terror that I felt. Perhaps I’m soft but it totally shook me up. I know as a grommet I should be stoked that I had my first big crunch but it ended up shaking my confidence and I haven’t quite got it back yet. It also made me question why we all surf – do we want to channel Bodhi? Or Matthew McConaughey? Or Jorgelina "Lina" Reyero (the chick in the clip below)? Or Eve Fletcher? I think I’m going to be more of the Eve Fletcher school – surfing for life not searching for the 50-year storm but a friendly little wave that will no doubt quietly grow in size as my confidence and ability will.